No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
