so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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