did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
