I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
