just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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