need another drink. this is the easiest way
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
