Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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