Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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