Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
