I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She has the best kind of daddy issues
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
