I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
