i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
