i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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