Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Couch. On fire.
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