Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
