So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
