Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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