i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
