Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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