we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
