Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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