hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
