why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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