Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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