I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
