Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
