What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
