I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
