I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
