They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
