allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
