Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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