Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
