i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
im six kinds of drunk right now
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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