I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
