dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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