yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
