Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
