we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
