I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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