Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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