why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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