Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
