but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
