I'm pants shitting drunk right now
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
