Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
