Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
