I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
