oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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