everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
