We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
