3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
